Jacob

My son, Jacob Wagner, was born in March 2005, adorable, snuggly, starving, and seemingly perfect. It was a moment when nothing could possibly go wrong; he was 10 days old, gaining weight, and loved a good cuddle. I gave him one last big snuggle and then left him and two of his sisters with grandma while I took the other sister on a mommy-daughter date. I had no way of knowing that it was the last time I would hold him for another 2 weeks, and possibly forever. Life was perfect and wonderful, then I came home.

The first thing I heard as I walked through the door was my frantic mother-in-law saying something was wrong with Jacob. I rushed into his room and there he was in his crib, eyes closed, gasping for breath, moaning, limp, and nonresponsive. I remember thinking at least he isn't blue yet. I have never been so scared in my life. I called my pediatrician and talked with our incredible nurse and was told to bring him in straight away, but if he turned blue to go straight to the ER. I charged for the car and zipped over to the doctor's office, only 2 minutes away. I grabbed my boy and charged in with the blanket on his head to keep the wind off; he must have turned blue in the 2 minutes it took to get there because the nurse snatched him out of my arms and went charging across the street to the hospital ER. We pounded on the ER door and before I knew it he was stripped on a table with doctors swarming around him responding to a code blue. Wait, it was my son's code blue! What was happening? Bewildered and shocked don't even come close to the feelings that were charging in on me from every side. My pediatrician came in on his day off and my husband came rushing out from work. The bishop from my ward (congregation) met us at the hospital. I'd like to say I was the picture of calmness and confidence and that I held it together so well, but I didn't. I was a basket case, sobbing, scared, and praying my heart out.

They stuck a breathing tube down his throat but nothing changed, and that is when they knew that he had a heart defect. We were grilled, any history of congenital heart defects, and they rattled off a few, to which we shook our heads blankly wondering what the jumble of words even meant. Then they were talking about transport to ICU in Emmanuel Children's Hospital, and I knew we were in for a ride. They called for ambulance transport but when it arrived it was 5:30 p.m. and they were worried that with the traffic he wouldn't survive the trip. In fact they weren't sure if he even had another 20 minutes, so life flight was called in and my husband and I watched from our car as the helicopter landed and then we took off.

When we arrived at the hospital we raced up to the ICU and stopped dead in our tracks. There was a huge sign hanging on the ICU doors: STOP! EMERGENCY SURGERY IN PROGRESS! We knew it was our son and so we let them know that we were here and went to wait for a nurse to come explain what was happening. We were informed that his condition was transposition of the great arteries (TGA). They were performing an atrial balloon septostomy. They had to do it in his room because he was close to death when he arrived and they didn't have time to set up the lab. Well it worked and he stabilized a bit and we had to wait until his body recovered from the immense shock it had underwent. Jacob had the arterial switch operation performed on Easter Sunday. He had countless prayers and fasts from all denominations, and the service we received was amazing. We witnessed so many miracles. We finally made it home after 2 weeks in the ICU, 1 week on the regular pediatric floor, and more scary moments of collapsed lungs and low oxygen levels. He is doing fine now.

I thought my life would somehow return to normal, or as normal as it can get with four kids, but my life is now filled with doctors' appointments and worries. But I will choose every time to have these struggles and have my son. I now know tons of families that are "heart" families where before I knew maybe one. I once thought heart defects were rare. His strength and courage has changed our family. We are filled with gratitude to all those who helped Jacob’s miracle happen. We know we were and are “lucky” and hope to spread awareness and comfort and support other families. I have come to realize that we never know when we might hold or hug someone for the last time, so I give my kids the biggest hug every day just in case. I'm sure they will love that as teenagers. :) God is a God of miracles. I see them every day.

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Jacob